We have been receiving some second hand broken reports that the German has successfully defected to the United States. He is awake and speaking. He was loosely quoted as saying that the classified stealth flight mission from Germany to Indianapolis was "an utter delight" and he was also quoted as saying "there is no such thing as jet lag". There has been no mention of his agenda and US officials are concerned it can be nothing short of "destructive".
With that, America is already at a DEFCON 2 level due to the mere presence of Mr. Atana on US soil.
DEFCON 1 (COCKED PISTOL) -- White
-Nuclear war is imminent, Maximum readiness
DEFCON 2 (FAST PACE) -- Red
- Next step to nuclear war, Armed Forces ready to deploy and engage in less than 6 hours
DEFCON 3 (ROUND HOUSE) -- Yellow
- Increase in force readiness above that required for normal readiness, Air Force ready to mobilize in 15 minutes
DEFCON 4 (DOUBLE TAKE) -- Green
Increased intelligence watch and strengthened security measures, Above normal readiness
DEFCON 5 (FADE OUT) -- Blue Lowest state of readiness, Normal readiness
"Winners forget they're in a race, they just love to run"
There are reports an Ori may try to infiltrate Iowa later this week. BOLOF's were issued and all law enforcement officials should be on high alert. If you see a German Ori muttering to itself and leading a goat by a leash report it immediately to your local officials or to the FBI. It is essential you do not attempt to make contact in anyway as this may confuse the Ori and it may try to run and hide, or worse, it may try to speak to you. Do not encourage it in anyway whatsoever to speak to you. The Ori is considered a dangerous and deranged creature, so hide the wife and kids and never ever look the Ori directly in the eyes, as this has reportedly been known to lower ones IQ and common sense to nearly nil. Be safe out there and remember, only you can stop an Ori.
Reports are now coming to us that the savage beast named Ori Atana Used his alter ego Orhan Avdimetaj in order to sneak into the states. It is advised that you do not attempt to engage with him as he is very defensive of his goat Young-lings and will strike with such fury that you may well have to take him to dinner afterwards.
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